I trying to change ok,
im trying to remember the bible verses.
trying to stop complaining.
trying to be good.
trying to remember to bring things.
trying to get good grades.
trying to stop saying vulgar words.
trying to remember to say prayer before eating and sleeping.
trying to help my friends who have problems.
trying to be thankful for what i have.
trying to be punctual.
trying to be nice.
im trying, just trying.
stop making it hard for me.
im trying to change to be better.
you used to tell me to go back to the Lord.
But now, you complain im not spending enough time with the family.
I'm always there to give others a hug, help them back on track,
but when I fall, no one is there to help me.
Yes, I know the Lord is with me,
but seriously, i need some friend,
to just come and say, "Cheer up." or just
sit beside me, you don't have to speak.
It would help me alot.
But no such person will come.
I make time for you; my friends.
But do you guys make time to comfort me?
I really don't know who to talk to.
It seems as if no one is listening.
I talk to them,
they just fiddle with their fingers,
look else where.
Then when their friend comes, they immediatly
stand up and say HI.
Were you even listening at all, i ask.
they will say, yes, can we talk about it later?
and they go off with their friend.
I'm trying my best, to live life as it is,
but, i just can't do it alone anymore.
My feet hurt even if i walk just a short distance.
My flu won't go,
my eyes won't let me wear my contacts.
I'm sick and tired of everything.
I know I know what most people will say,
but can't they just always be there?
I just can't believe that my mother smsed me

" I think its not right to hang up my phone that I am still talking, it hurt my heart you know? What time u come home? U are still under parents gardien you know? You are so rude to you mother......"

Well, do you know that I felt hurt too?
Do you not think I was trying to think of something to be equal?
I asked you if i could JUST eat dinner with the cell,
you told me no.
And i did not hang up, you stopped talking
so obviously I thought the conversation was OVER.
Who can I turn to this time?
I can't go Necli; i chose to go cell chalet.
I gave up another chance of a camp I never been to.
I join the Prefects cause of it.
And I'm giving it up, just like that.
Seriously, I'm starting to think
that I'm either just a comfy pillow people come to look for
when they need comforting,
or just an extra person left in the world.
I'm crying like shit and i know tears won't help.
I prayed while walking back home.
I didn't ask for help, I just asked God to let someone
ask me what happened and just listen with no distractions.
Someone to coax me into telling them.
And I think,
no one can.

oh don't think you know me ;
6:44 PM;