I've been feeling guilty and upset since
after school,
after I stepped into 2N1,
after I boarded the bus,
after I met up with Dionne.
I've been feeling guilty cos I skipped PM
to pei Dionne look for a job which we didn't
even go to look for.
But I skipped it cause I promised Dionne I'll pei her,
I skipped it cause even if I go also only stay 2hours
then what's the point of going even when you pray so hard,
then half way leave, like so no respect.
It has only been a few hours but I miss school already.

I admit to you guys,
a) my walk with God is seriously dry.
b) I strive to be perfect in what I think I do best,
aka a perfectionist.
c) I think I fit in better with my non-christian friends than
my christian friends cause I really feel like I don't fit in.

And because of my being of a perfectionist,
I expect high expectations of them which makes me
easily angry at them. I'm sorry about that.
I want God to change me,
but I feel like I'm not letting him.
I'm being back that normal hyper active,
don't-really-care-about-God Zoie again.
I don't want to go back,
I want to be me when I first went CSCC,
the God-loving, God-fearing, on-fire girl
in which my non-christian friends can see the
Big Change that took place, Zoie.
I'm trying so hard,
but everytime I pray I get headaches,
I'm easy ticked off,
I'm now easily provoked and get angry
and annoyed.
I don't want to be like that.
Even right now as I'm typing, I'm shouting at my father
to wait for me to finish this post before feeding Milo.

I really, really so hard want to cry out,
want more of God,
but I just can't.
I really really want more.
Is the devil attacking already?

My Quote:
Beautiful people are people who are God-fearing, God-loving, compassionate people. People who are beautiful not on the outside, but inside. People who talk to God and hear his plans for them. That is what I call beautiful.

Labels: i want more.

oh don't think you know me ;
5:58 PM;