I just read her post.
I admit it hurt me,
it didn't just hurt me,
it made me feel worthless.
I think I was the one who made
her entire friday a bad day.
You know what her post said,
"for zoie , i dont even noe sia . she like dun want to friend me like this. who cares."
It's not I don't want to be friends lehhs.
Is that I'm sort of torn apart lahs.
First I have them,
then I have Dionne,
and then Aglin, Lyn and the CCSS people.
I can't be following them 24/7 cause
we are not only in different class,
we are in different streams,
different personalities.
Unlike her, she is not the only christian in her class,
after May Yong left I'm like,
alone in my class lahh.
She still has Amelia and Yok Fong and Yu Wen.
And I don't think that she feels left out
where ever she goes.
They didn't leave me out lah,
is more like the devil in my mind telling me
to feel left out and all.

I've already tagged her before her that post,
telling her I'm sorry and everything,
I even smsed her like twice,
and the result I get is a seriously hurtful 'k.'
That 'k' can mean anything,
like, if she is still angry at me,
or hurt by me,
or she is ok with me.
Then like, I was disappointed lahhs.
I don't know what will happen when I see her in church today.
I think I might feel like crying.
I don't know lahh,
they were more happy without me I guess,
like no need to worry if I go home safely,
if I'm feeling left out, which I'm trying not to,
no need to think that I'm being emo emo again.
I'm so crappy lahs.
And this is another emo post, whatever.

I really wish to shut myself up like last time,
and just spend time with God.
And not be so like this.
And her latest post indicated she is or was happy.
Who knows what will I do to spoil her day again today.
I don't really care or want to know how many people
care for me anymore,
cos I find that self pitying.
Let me just start spending time with God again.

And anyway, yesterday didn't go cell,
sorry Gen1.9, you couldn't use my house.
Went to help out at UG camp or else Charlotte
might get all, " Zoieeeee." On me.
I stayed for the campfire cause by the time we were done,
campfire was going to start in another hour.
I shan't elaborate what I did there.
I'll tell more at night,
depending on my not-so-predictable moods now.

I just have to PICK MYSELF UP like
last time when me and Vincent got into a
huge huge huge fight.
I'm glad that everything is ok for her,
I'm not sure if I'm glad if everything is
ok for me.
Lord, I need help again.
I so totally want to escape this world sometimes.

Labels: crappy post.

oh don't think you know me ;
9:41 AM;