Newsflash:
I finally have my first sheep.
And it's none other than Nicole:D

Am I really ready for a sheep?
It's not that I don't like Nicole or anything,
but to tell you all the truth,
I don't really get along well with kids.
I don't know what they want and all,
but Nicole is okay,
she is like, one of my most favourite
primary school person that I know.
And Nerissa is now Jasmin's sheep.

Okay, I know I am still Jasmin's sheep,
but sometimes,
when you get used to having someone
or something all to yourself,
and when someother person comes along
and shares the person or thing with you,
it just have thing strange salty feeling inside
you that just keeps bubbling.
Sometimes,
Jasmin keeps talking to Nerissa and I'm like,
talking to Nicole, nothing big there but then,
it's like me and Jasmin aren't really talking.
Then, when I going to talk to her,
she tells me,
"Eh, wait for Nicole, hold her hand lah, she very cute leh"
And I'm like, "Oh ok."
Then she turns and talks to Nerissa.
There is just this invisible gap
surrounding you and someone whom you
thought you never really had to part with.
And sometimes,
you're just so busy that you never seem to notice
the people around you getting hurt and alone.

I'm not talking about me.

I'm talking about People.

Sometimes,
you promise yourself,
you'll do this for the person,
do that for God,
but think,
do you really do what you wrote down mentally?
I know I don't.
Sometimes I don't appreciate things,
I used to take Jasmin's
' how was your day ' for granted.
And when, like, someone just comes up,
right under your nose,
and shares it, you can't help but just feel left out.

Do you guys know that eagles sometimes
give birth to two eggs but only one survives?
The parents only give enough food for one eaglet.
And I'm that eaglet who has been fed enough,
and now I'm supposed to leave the "nest"
to start another "family" and take care of
another eaglet.
And sometimes, (this is true)
eaglets whom are slower to fly,
see their parents feeding their newborn
brother or sister.
I wonder if they ever felt left out.

I know like,
it's something called being
selfish but like,
really, when I see Jasmin crack jokes with
Nerissa, walk and talk with her,
I feel so weird.
Yes, I do take care of Nicole,
I joke with her, hold her hand, guide her,
but I'm not sure if I should be doing something
better for her, like teaching her not to
do certain stuff and look out for certain things.
I'm such a messed up girl.

I really do want to see Nerissa grow,
spiritually and mentally,
but then, that invisible gap that has
distanced me and Jasmin,
oh, I don't know.

Dionne is now my follow up.
I don't know if I should be telling her
my problems and usual secrets anymore.
I know I should be telling Jasmin,
but as I have stated before,
anyway, if I'm going to treat her like
a followup, then some changes are bound to
be made, it's either going to hurt,
or it's either she won't grow.
She meaning Dionne.
Grr,
sometimes I wish I didn't know
who my followups and sheeps were,
and just stay childish.
Time to grow up, Zoie, and guide
those who need it.

Labels: gotta change.

oh don't think you know me ;
9:46 PM;