I give up.


I really give up. That friendship just went down the drain like that. You guys want to know what was those really mini words I typed in my last post, well I said I love to disappoint myself, don't I? Want to know how I feel? REALLY REALLY PISSED. Seriously, my friend just told me she hated me. I thought she'd be happy I was more on fire. I really feel like she just can't be bothered about God. I REALL REALLY CARE AND WANT TO CARE, but she says I'm too busy, that she tried to contact me, to tell me things, but I didn't reply. SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY. She only smsed she was bored and her class only had 15 people. Is that counted at trying to tell me she had problems? I don't want to sms in class because some people told me that a certain bunch were using handphones in school and breaking school rules. So I decided not to use my phone in school hours. She confronted me with, So why do you even own a phone? Like what the crap, it's so no link. After school still can contact right?

I had a horrible horrible day and here this tidal wave comes. What she doesn't know is that I don't belong to any clique, I just don't fit. I prefer going solo. What she doesn't know is how I really feel about her, this is not what I feel, this is all anger! I so so desperately want to see her side by side with me in church, but without trying she tells me she can't come when I don't see her picking up the ridiculous phone to make that call to her parents.

I want to so badly scream at her, JESUS LOVES YOU, I LOVE YOU. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY, YOU DON'T NEED YOUR CLASSMATES, JUST GO ALL OUT FOR GOD. DIDN'T YOU RECIEVE CHRIST THAT VERY DAY I BROUGHT YOU TO CHURCH AND YOU SAID THE PRAYER WITH RACHEL YANG? DON'T YOU REMEMBER FEELING GOD'S LOVE FOR YOU?

I need a lifeboat. Quick. I need to depend on God, but how? My only lifeboat is currently Aglin, but she's just swallowing up my everything because she herself is comfirm facing hard times. I NEED A LIFEBOAT. I don't do well in these situations and therefore panic.

Labels: Emo.

oh don't think you know me ;
10:14 PM;