Shit. Merry bloody go round. Why not square or rectangle or a freaking octagon or tri-crap the shit-angle?! Why ROUND?! I just crawled out of the shitty mud hole and stood by the side getting ready to take my next freak step and then next thing I knew, I've fallen back into that trap.Argh. Dionne came church today:DD So did Nerissa and Nicole((: After service went to watch
The Spiderwick Chronicles. with my mother and brother. My com's bluetooth is still not working, wah. It's like super nice! Rah((: Nothing much today. Whenever I have the urge to blog, I don't have my laptop with me. Oh how I wish I had the small white or maybe even
PURPLE portable one with me! Then I can blog or at least write what I want to blog about on Microsoft Word and then blog, whatever. Now I really no mood to blog because I just..well, sort of found out or also can say noticed something. Heh.
***
UPDATE:
Just decided to blog again:D Heh, cos I just remembered what I wanted to blog about. Or should I say 'rant'. Anyway, Like I said, Dionne came church so we were all in Katong Laksa, and yes I went 1st Service, and I was there trying to trick Dionne with the MRT game and Johnny Woosh when I fount out Jasmin told Dionne how to play both.
Spoiler! Haha, so then I was reeaally bored and whilst waiting for the rest of the cell, I took out Jeremy's
PSP to play and if you're wondering, no I haven't return him yet. I remember clearly what happened next:
I was playing the
DJ Max2 the song
Goodbye, obviously trying to show off to Dionne I can play x5 with that. Hey, I didn't lie about that:D So, I was laughing abit with Dionne then I was picking that song when I saw Sean/ Shawn/ Shaun or how ever you spell his name, come in. I pretended not to notice of course and pressed the circle to start the game. After awhile, I got quite absorbed in the game half way, trying not to break the combos when I saw through the corner of my eye, and although the side of my specs was blocking, I could make out a purple shirt beside me. I was stunned for awhile because, [
before that I failed to tell you all that Shaun/ Sean/ Shawn/ whatever was wearing the purple Like Crazy shirt], and I knew that it was Shaun/ Sean/ Shawn/ whtvr beside me. Then, he bend down beside me really close. I can't swear but if I could I would have
BECAUSE HIS FACE WAS LITERALLY ALMOST TOUCHING MINE. Sirens were going off in my head and I was screaming at the top of my mental voice inside my maybe
smallish brain. I started gripping the
PSP reaaally hard and kind of panicked inside me. I guess Dionne could sense my distressed. Shaun/ Sean/ Shawn/ whtvr tried to make small talk with me like, "What game is that?" "Next time I play with you." All these in which I replied usually single word answers because I know if I continue talking I might:
A) act in an irrational manner like scream at him, slap his face away, start sobbing uncontrollably
B) just break down
C) drop the
PSP, which I hope I won't, and yell at him.
Anyway, all this while he was so so so so close to me. I'm serious. I could feel almost everyone who noticed like totally staring at us. I was like thinking, "Oh please please please, let someone speak up and distract him." I tried to give Dionne a pleading look by the side of my eye, but oh the Lord wanted me to wear specs and thus blocked her from seeing my eye I guess. It was Liang Hui and Jasmin who spoke up and saved me from my mental torture. I would swear if I could swear that his eyes weren't on the game at all, but at me.
Rah. I feel absolutely traumatised.
You'd ask me why I didn't react like I normally would. Or so I thought I normally would. I don't like it when guys come too close to me. I don't mind then shaking my hand, tapping me on the shoulder or even sometimes when we're playing games; holding hands, but if a guy puts his hand around my shoulders, on my shoulders, on my waist, on my leg, or his face super close to my face, I start to panic. When I panic, words some how choke up my throat, tears form behind my eyes, sirens start going off and literally my almost so called perfect or almost perfect world/ persona starts falling apart.
After that torturous moment was over which lasted for a few minutes but seemed like days to me, we went to
Katong Shopping Mall foodcourt instead to meet the cell. I'm glad we changed location. A few more moments like that and I'm pretty much sure I start yelling my head off for the cops to come till the cows come home. Only there aren't any cows in Singapore, or so at Katong, neither will the cops be bothered about this. If you want to know more moments of this I'd gladly show you:
http://definezoiee.blogspot.com/2008/03/jermyd.htmlThe very last part. I didn't emphasise on how close then. Or what he did. But Joana's shepherd saw everything and she saved me that day a few loads of times. Rah.
Service was good. Made me temporary forget about the incident. I thought I was over the molest thing but I guess I burried it so deep in memory that if you just scratch the surface of the soil on top of it, it literally shakes me. I prayed to overcome it, but I don't think it's working. I keep thinking it's okay, that everything is fine. I wonder if it's a crime to lie to yourself. Sometimes, it did seem okay, like nothing happened, but everytime, just a little soil is moved, my whole being feels drained.
Rahhhh, I thank God for friends. They really do help. Heh, didn't intend to update so much, sorry about the long long long rants.
Labels: Life.
